Compassion and self-compassion · worksheet 131
Being kind to yourself, receiving help or tenderness can be frightening. That is common, especially when gentleness has been scarce in your life. These fears have a history: identifying them is already a step.
This exercise is best done with the support of a psychologist.
Before you start
- What it is for: To understand why kindness, towards yourself or from others, sometimes makes you uncomfortable.
- Best with your psychologist, or alone if you feel ready.
- These fears are common and have a history: they aren’t flaws.
- It isn’t about getting rid of them, but about getting to know them.
Prefer paper? Download the PDF to print (with a page for psychologists).
What to do with your results
These fears aren’t flaws: they often protected you. They can be gently tamed.
If you find it hard
If being kind to yourself makes you uncomfortable or sad, that is common at first: start with a single sentence and talk about it with your psychologist.
For psychologists
The PDF also includes a page for the psychologist: how to run the exercise in session, points to watch and scientific references. You are free to use it with your clients.
For psychologists: aim, audience and duration
Identify the fears or resistance to compassion (giving it to oneself, receiving it, offering it), common in self-critical people, and explore them without forcing.
Severe self-criticism, shame, a history of abuse or neglect, difficulty accepting help. Duration: 20-30 min in session.
References
Gilbert, P., McEwan, K., Matos, M. & Rivis, A. (2011). Fears of compassion: Development of three self-report measures. Psychology and Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice, 84(3), 239-255.
Gilbert, P. (2014). The origins and nature of compassion focused therapy. British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 53(1), 6-41.
Germer, C. K. & Neff, K. D. (2019). Teaching the Mindful Self-Compassion Program: A Guide for Professionals. Guilford.
These worksheets do not replace therapy. If you are in distress or having suicidal thoughts, call your local emergency number (112 in Europe; 3114 in France, free, 24/7).
Free worksheet for non-commercial use: you may share it with credit to the author, without modifying it (Creative Commons BY-NC-ND 4.0 licence).
