Grief: after losing someone close · worksheet 141
Grief is often a back and forth: moments for thinking about the person and feeling their absence, and moments for dealing with life, breathing, doing something else. Both are useful. Being distracted isn’t forgetting.
Before you start
- What it is for: To see whether you are allowing yourself both moments for your grief and moments to breathe.
- 5 minutes each evening, for a week.
- Both sides are useful: remembering and also resting from grief.
- Being distracted, laughing or going out isn’t betraying the person.
Prefer paper? Download the PDF to print (with a page for psychologists).
What to do with your results
There is no right balance. If you avoid everything that recalls the person, or never give yourself a break, that is something to work on.
If you find it hard
On days when you can’t manage one of the two sides, simply write “nothing today”. If you want to die or to be reunited with the person, call 112, 3114 (France) or your local emergency number.
For psychologists
The PDF also includes a page for the psychologist: how to run the exercise in session, points to watch and scientific references. You are free to use it with your clients.
For psychologists: aim, audience and duration
Observe the balance between loss-oriented moments and restoration-oriented moments (dual process model), and rebalance if one of the two takes up all the space.
Anyone who is grieving, especially those who avoid everything that recalls the loss or, on the contrary, allow themselves no break from their grief. Duration: 5 min each evening for a week.
References
Stroebe, M. & Schut, H. (1999). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: Rationale and description. Death Studies, 23(3), 197-224.
Stroebe, M. & Schut, H. (2010). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: A decade on. Omega: Journal of Death and Dying, 61(4), 273-289.
These worksheets do not replace therapy. If you are in distress or having suicidal thoughts, call your local emergency number (112 in Europe; 3114 in France, free, 24/7).
Free worksheet for non-commercial use: you may share it with credit to the author, without modifying it (Creative Commons BY-NC-ND 4.0 licence).
