Grief: after losing someone close · worksheet 148
After a loss, we sometimes avoid what hurts too much: a place, the photos, the bedroom, some music, seeing certain people. We may also stop doing what we used to enjoy. In the moment it protects. But if it lasts, it can keep grief stuck. You can go back, step by step.
This exercise is best done with the support of a psychologist.
Before you start
- What it is for: To go back little by little to what you avoid, so that grief can move forward at your pace.
- Best with your psychologist, step by step.
- Avoiding protects at first; if it goes on for a long time, it can keep grief stuck.
- You don’t have to face everything: some things can stay put away.
Prefer paper? Download the PDF to print (with a page for psychologists).
What to do with your results
The first time is often the hardest. The emotion rises and then falls: it is a sign that something is shifting.
If you find it hard
You don’t have to face everything: some things can stay put away. Go at your own pace. If you want to die or to be reunited with the person, call 112, 3114 (France) or your local emergency number.
For psychologists
The PDF also includes a page for the psychologist: how to run the exercise in session, points to watch and scientific references. You are free to use it with your clients.
For psychologists: aim, audience and duration
Identify the avoidance that keeps grief stuck (anxious avoidance of reminders of the loss, depressive avoidance of activities) and build a gradual return, at one’s own pace.
Grief that doesn’t ease, people who avoid the bedroom, the photos, the cemetery, certain places or activities, or who have withdrawn from life. Duration: 20-30 min in session, then in small steps.
References
Boelen, P. A., van den Hout, M. A. & van den Bout, J. (2006). A cognitive-behavioral conceptualization of complicated grief. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 13(2), 109-128.
Shear, M. K. (2015). Complicated grief. New England Journal of Medicine, 372(2), 153-160.
These worksheets do not replace therapy. If you are in distress or having suicidal thoughts, call your local emergency number (112 in Europe; 3114 in France, free, 24/7).
Free worksheet for non-commercial use: you may share it with credit to the author, without modifying it (Creative Commons BY-NC-ND 4.0 licence).
