DBT: getting through a crisis · worksheet 82
Some things can’t be changed: the past, a loss, a decision that doesn’t depend on you. Refusing reality (“it shouldn’t have happened”) adds suffering. Accepting it fully, without approving of it, can be freeing.
Before you start
- What it is for: To stop fighting what can’t change, suffer less and get your energy back.
- About 10 minutes, with something that hurts and that you can’t change.
- Accepting isn’t agreeing, giving up or liking it: it is no longer fighting reality, because that fight adds suffering to the pain.
- It is a practice: you almost never accept once and for all. You accept again many times.
Prefer paper? Download the PDF to print (with a page for psychologists).
What to do with your results
Compare the suffering before and after: even a small drop counts. It is normal to have to accept again, over and over.
If you find it hard
Accepting isn’t approving or forgetting. If the situation is dangerous or unfair and can change, acceptance doesn’t apply: act or ask for help.
For psychologists
The PDF also includes a page for the psychologist: how to run the exercise in session, points to watch and scientific references. You are free to use it with your clients.
For psychologists: aim, audience and duration
Help the person fully accept a reality that cannot be changed (the past, a loss, a situation), to reduce the suffering added by refusal, without approving or resigning themselves.
Persistent refusal of a painful reality (“it isn’t fair”, “it shouldn’t have happened”), rumination about the past. Duration: 15-20 min in session; repeated practice.
References
Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). Guilford.
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D. & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change (2nd ed.). Guilford.
These worksheets do not replace therapy. If you are in distress or having suicidal thoughts, call your local emergency number (112 in Europe; 3114 in France, free, 24/7).
Free worksheet for non-commercial use: you may share it with credit to the author, without modifying it (Creative Commons BY-NC-ND 4.0 licence).
