Guide
In ACT, values are the qualities you want to bring to the way you live: being present, being brave, curious, caring for others… They act as a compass when anxiety or sadness push you to back off.
Values and goals are not the same thing
A goal can be ticked off (“call my mother on Sunday”). A value is never fully reached: it is a direction (“caring for my loved ones”). Goals are the stages; the value gives meaning to the path.
A little theory · In ACT, a value is a freely chosen consequence of an ongoing way of acting: its “reward” lies in the action itself, not in an end result (Hayes, Strosahl and Wilson, 2012). That is why it is never finished.
Why it helps when we suffer
Anxiety often says: “wait until you feel better before you live”. Values suggest the opposite: moving towards what matters, in small steps, taking the discomfort with you. Acting according to your values brings back meaning and satisfaction, even if the difficult emotions are still there.
How to find yours
- Think of a time when you really felt like yourself: what was important?
- Ask yourself what kind of person you want to be with your loved ones, at work, with yourself.
- Be wary of “shoulds”: a value is chosen, it isn’t an obligation.
A little theory · In therapy, questionnaires such as the VLQ are used: you rate how much each area of life matters to you (family, work, friendships, health…) and how much you have acted according to it. The gap between the two figures shows where to start (Wilson et al., 2010).
What looks like a value… but isn’t one
When you make your list, it is normal for things to appear that look like values but that, in practice, don’t help you move forward. They usually fall into six types:
- A feeling: “being happy”, “being calm”, “not having anxiety”. Emotions come and go and can’t be decided. What is more, pursuing happiness as a goal can backfire: in one study, the people who valued feeling happy the most felt more disappointed and less happy in pleasant moments (Mauss et al., 2011).
- A “dead person’s goal”: “not arguing”, “not bothering anyone”, “not crying in front of anyone”. If a dead person could do it better than you, it describes what you want to avoid, not what you want to do.
- A “should”: something you do out of guilt, fear of disappointing or to gain approval. Research on goals shows that those we pursue because they really matter to us are sustained better over time and increase well-being, while those we pursue under pressure or out of guilt are more often abandoned (Sheldon and Elliot, 1999).
- An outcome that doesn’t depend on you alone: money, success, status, image, being loved. When these goals take centre stage in life, they are associated with lower well-being (Kasser and Ryan, 1996). They aren’t bad in themselves: earning money can serve “caring for my family”. Ask yourself “what for?” until you reach the value.
- What you want others to do: “for my partner to respect me”, “for my children to listen to me”. You don’t control other people. The value lies in your way of acting: “respecting myself and setting limits”, “being available to my children”.
- A rigid rule: “always being perfect”, “never failing”. A value gives direction, it isn’t a whip. It can be lived in a thousand ways and allows for mistakes.
A little theory · The “dead man test” comes from behaviour analysis: if a dead man can do it, it isn’t behaviour (Lindsley, 1991). ACT uses it to turn an “I don’t want to do X” into an “I want to do Y” (Harris, 2019).
A little theory · Self-determination theory distinguishes two kinds of motivation: autonomous (I do it because I value it or find it interesting) and controlled (I do it out of guilt, pressure or for a reward). The first is associated with more persistence and well-being (Ryan and Deci, 2000).
Many of these traps have something in common: they put the centre outside you. Values, on the other hand, live in what you do.
From trap to value: some examples
- “Being happy” → being present and enjoying what I do, looking after my health.
- “Not having anxiety” → being brave, opening up to new experiences.
- “Being loved” → being affectionate, close, generous.
- “Not bothering anyone” → being considerate towards others… and towards myself.
- “Being successful” → learning, contributing, doing my work well.
- “Being perfect” → being careful and committed, while still treating myself kindly.
To find the value behind a goal, ask yourself “what for?” several times:
Six questions to check your list
- Does it depend on what I do, and not on what I feel or what others do?
- Could I act this way today, even if I am anxious or sad?
- Would I choose it even if nobody ever saw it or knew about it?
- Does it draw me in (give me meaning) or push me (guilt, fear, pressure)?
- Is it a direction that is never “finished”, rather than a box to tick?
- Can I live it in many ways, including on bad days?
If you answer “yes” to most of them, you have probably found a value. If not, that’s fine: look for what lies behind it (“and why does that matter to me?”).
Where it hurts, it also matters
Often, what hurts us most points to what matters most to us: loneliness hurts because you care about relationships; the fear of failing at work, because you care about doing it well. That is why values and discomfort often go together, and moving towards what matters can also stir up difficult emotions. That is normal.
A little theory · Steven Hayes, one of the founders of ACT, sums it up like this: in your pain you find your values, and in your values you find your pain (Hayes, 2019). It isn’t about removing one to have the other.
A value isn’t a moral rule
There are no “good” or “bad” values, and you don’t need to justify them to anyone. Nor do you need to be clear about them from the start: they become clearer as you act. And sometimes two values pull in different directions (work and family, for example): it isn’t about choosing one for ever, but about balancing them over the week.
Watch: short videos
- Values vs Goals, by Russ Harris.
Russ Harris is a doctor and one of the leading communicators of ACT. The videos open on YouTube.
And then
Choose a single value and a very small step this week. The worksheets below help you do it.
Worksheets to practise
- 05 · My compass · Choosing an action guided by your values, despite anxiety
- 33 · My 80th birthday party · Clarifying values by projecting far ahead (values)
- 34 · The values target · Measuring the gap between values and life, area by area
- 37 · My committed action plan · Turning a value into concrete actions, obstacles included
- 56 · My values travel with me · Keeping a direction when everything around changes (values)
Sources
Wilson, K. G. & Murrell, A. R. (2004). Values work in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Setting a course for behavioral treatment. In S. C. Hayes, V. M. Follette & M. M. Linehan (Eds.), Mindfulness and Acceptance: Expanding the Cognitive-Behavioral Tradition (pp. 120-151). Guilford.
Lundgren, T., Luoma, J. B., Dahl, J., Strosahl, K. & Melin, L. (2012). The Bull’s-Eye Values Survey: A psychometric evaluation. Cognitive and Behavioral Practice, 19(4), 518-526.
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D. & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change (2nd ed.). Guilford.
Harris, R. (2019). ACT Made Simple (2nd ed.). New Harbinger.
Wilson, K. G., Sandoz, E. K., Kitchens, J. & Roberts, M. (2010). The Valued Living Questionnaire: Defining and measuring valued action within a behavioral framework. The Psychological Record, 60(2), 249-272.
Plumb, J. C., Stewart, I., Dahl, J. & Lundgren, T. (2009). In search of meaning: Values in modern clinical behavior analysis. The Behavior Analyst, 32(1), 85-103.
Sheldon, K. M. & Elliot, A. J. (1999). Goal striving, need satisfaction, and longitudinal well-being: The self-concordance model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(3), 482-497.
Kasser, T. & Ryan, R. M. (1996). Further examining the American dream: Differential correlates of intrinsic and extrinsic goals. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 22(3), 280-287.
Mauss, I. B., Tamir, M., Anderson, C. L. & Savino, N. S. (2011). Can seeking happiness make people unhappy? Paradoxical effects of valuing happiness. Emotion, 11(4), 807-815.
Ryan, R. M. & Deci, E. L. (2000). Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being. American Psychologist, 55(1), 68-78.
Lindsley, O. R. (1991). From technical jargon to plain English for application. Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, 24(3), 449-458.
Hayes, S. C. (2019). A Liberated Mind: How to Pivot Toward What Matters. Avery.
These worksheets do not replace therapy. If you are in distress or having suicidal thoughts, call your local emergency number (112 in Europe; 3114 in France, free, 24/7).
