Guide
Leaving your country, even for a good reason, means losing many things at once: the presence of your loved ones, your language in daily life, your landscapes, your habits, sometimes your status. This “migratory grief” is normal, but it is often invisible.
A special kind of grief
Unlike a death, what you have lost still exists: you can go back, call, meet again. That is why the grief is partial and comes back in waves (holidays, birthdays, news from home). It affects several things at once, which makes it hard to name.
A little theory · The psychiatrist Joseba Achotegui describes seven griefs of migration: family and loved ones, language, culture, the land (landscapes, climate), social status, the group you belong to and physical safety. They are “partial” and “recurring” griefs: what has been lost still exists and comes back with every call, every visit (Achotegui, 2009).
Oscillating is healthy
Grief that goes well alternates between moments turned towards what was lost (longing, sadness, memories) and moments turned towards the new life (projects, relationships, discoveries). Getting stuck on one side only, only in longing or only in action without ever feeling anything, makes adapting harder.
A little theory · The psychologist John Berry showed that those who keep their ties to their culture of origin while also taking part in the host society (what he calls “integration”) tend to adapt better than those who cut themselves off from one or the other (Berry, 1997).
A little theory · Migrating isn’t an illness: most people adapt well. The risk increases with discrimination, isolation, insecure living conditions, the gap between expectations and reality, and loss of status (Bhugra, 2004).
When the stress weighs too heavily
When migration goes hand in hand with forced loneliness, insecurity, fear or the failure of the plan, stress can become chronic. The psychiatrist Joseba Achotegui described this build-up as “Ulysses syndrome”. It isn’t a mental illness, but it is a sign that support is needed.
What helps
- Naming what you have lost, and what you have gained.
- Keeping ties with back home and creating new ones here.
- Allowing yourself moments of longing, without shutting yourself away in them.
- Keeping your values as a common thread from one country to another.
Worksheets to practise
- 46 · The map of my losses · Naming everything migration has made me lose (migratory grief)
- 53 · Moving between there and here · Making room for homesickness and for the new life (dual process)
- 55 · Far from those who stayed behind · Living with ambiguous loss: present in your heart, absent from daily life
- 57 · Making room for homesickness · Welcoming homesickness without drowning in it
- 47 · My adjustment curve · Mapping the ups and downs of settling in a new country
- 58 · The shock of going back · When returning home is harder than expected
Sources
Achotegui, J. (2009). Estrés límite y salud mental: el síndrome del inmigrante con estrés crónico y múltiple (síndrome de Ulises). Gaceta Médica de Bilbao, 106(4), 122-133.
Bhugra, D. & Becker, M. A. (2005). Migration, cultural bereavement and cultural identity. World Psychiatry, 4(1), 18-24.
Stroebe, M. & Schut, H. (1999). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: Rationale and description. Death Studies, 23(3), 197-224.
Bhugra, D. (2004). Migration and mental health. Acta Psychiatrica Scandinavica, 109(4), 243-258.
Berry, J. W. (1997). Immigration, acculturation, and adaptation. Applied Psychology, 46(1), 5-34.
These worksheets do not replace therapy. If you are in distress or having suicidal thoughts, call your local emergency number (112 in Europe; 3114 in France, free, 24/7).
