A space to talk, without having to act tough
Many men were taught to manage on their own, not to show weakness and to hold on. That comes at a cost. I explain what research says about men’s mental health and what therapy looks like, without beating about the bush.
Men struggle too (even if they say so less often)
A report by the World Health Organization for Europe (2020) concludes that men seek psychological help less often than women, and that they die by suicide much more often. It is not that they suffer less: they express it and seek help differently.
What often holds men back from asking for help
“I have to sort it out myself”
Self-reliance as a rule: asking for help feels like failure.
“I don’t know how to say what I feel”
Difficulty putting your emotions into words, or the feeling that you shouldn’t.
“I have to hold on”
The pressure to stay in control and not show vulnerability.
The same report highlights an encouraging point: men do show their vulnerability and seek support when they find people and spaces they trust.
How distress can show up
In men, psychological distress does not always look like the classic image of sadness:
Irritability or anger
Flaring up over nothing, constant tension, frequent arguments.
Escaping outwards
Working non-stop, exercising excessively, always keeping busy so as not to think.
Substances and habits
More alcohol, other substances, gambling or screens to switch off.
Disconnection
Emotional distance from your partner, family or friends; a feeling of emptiness.
The body speaks
Insomnia, tiredness, digestive problems or tension without a clear medical cause.
If you have thoughts of not wanting to live, don’t wait: talk to your doctor or call your local emergency number (112 in Europe; 3114, the national suicide prevention line, in France).
Why does distress stay locked in?
The “hold on” cycle
A systematic review on masculinity and help-seeking (Seidler and colleagues, 2016) shows that adherence to traditional masculine norms, such as self-reliance or emotional control, is associated with a less favourable attitude towards seeking help. The result is often a cycle:
A problem appears
Stress, a loss, a conflict, a low patch.
You keep it to yourself
You don’t talk about it, you play it down or cover it up with activity or substances.
It builds up
The distress grows: irritability, insomnia or disconnection appear.
Asking for help gets harder
The bigger it gets, the harder it is to acknowledge.
Getting out of this cycle does not require you to become someone else. Often, all it takes is a space to talk in a direct, practical and non-judgemental way, with clear goals.
What helps, according to research
Therapy works just as well for men as for women. What makes the difference is finding a format in which you feel comfortable:
A practical, goal-oriented approach
Cognitive behavioural therapy and ACT work on concrete problems, with tools and exercises between sessions.
A space of trust
The relationship with the therapist is one of the factors that most influence outcome. You can ask anything and set your own pace.
Making the first step easier
Online therapy, from home and at flexible times, reduces the practical obstacles to getting started.
Anxiety, depression, substance use or work stress are treated with the usual validated approaches for each problem.
How I work
Getting straight to the point
In the first session, you tell me what brings you here and what you want to achieve. No beating about the bush.
Understanding what is going on
What triggers it, what keeps it going and how it affects you, sometimes with short questionnaires.
Concrete tools
Managing stress and anger, communication, sleep, substance use, relationships: whatever you need.
Reviewing progress
We check together that you are moving forward and adjust the plan.
I am a clinical psychologist, I have been a senior manager and an entrepreneur, and I have lived in several countries. Sessions take place online, in English, French or Spanish.
What you can start today
Tell someone
A friend, your partner, a brother. You don’t need to tell them everything: “I’m not doing well” is already a step.
Get moving
Moderate exercise helps to bring tension down. Even better with others.
Look at your drinking
If alcohol has become your way of switching off, it is a signal worth taking into account.
Put a word on it
Write in one sentence what you feel today. Naming the emotion helps you manage it.
Gonzalo Garzo
Clinical psychologist
I have been a clinical psychologist since 2018, and I am also an anthropologist. For years I combined psychology with management positions (see my LinkedIn profile), before dedicating myself fully to clinical work.
I work with an integrative approach: third-wave CBT (ACT, DBT, mindfulness) and EMDR, adapted to each person’s needs.
I have lived in several countries and I work in English, French or Spanish, online or in La Rochelle.
Frequently asked questions
Do I have to talk about my feelings all the time?
No. We work practically, on what concerns you. Emotions come up, but at your own pace.
Isn’t seeing a psychologist for weak people?
Asking for help is a way of solving a problem, like seeing any other specialist. It takes courage to do it.
What if I don’t know what is wrong, just that I’m not OK?
That is a good reason to come. Understanding it is part of the work.
How many sessions will I need?
It depends on the goal. We talk about it at the start and review it regularly.
Shall we talk?
Sources
- World Health Organization, Regional Office for Europe (2020). Mental health, men and culture: how do sociocultural constructions of masculinities relate to men’s mental health help-seeking behaviour in the WHO European Region? Health Evidence Network synthesis report 70.
- Seidler, Z. E., Dawes, A. J., Rice, S. M., Oliffe, J. L. and Dhillon, H. M. (2016). The role of masculinity in men’s help-seeking for depression: A systematic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 49, 106-118.
- Fernández-Álvarez, H. and Opazo, R. (2004). La integración en psicoterapia: manual práctico. Paidós.
This page is for information only and does not replace a professional assessment.