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My attachment map

Anxiety and avoidance, depending on the relationship

Attachment: my bonds · worksheet 150

Research describes adult attachment with two dimensions: anxiety (“I’m afraid of being abandoned”) and avoidance (“I’m uncomfortable when we are too close”). You don’t “have” a style: you can feel very different depending on the person. This worksheet isn’t a test: it is a map to reflect on.

Before you start

  • What it is for: To see that the way you bond isn’t a fixed label: it also depends on the relationship.
  • 15-20 minutes.
  • This isn’t a test: it is a map to reflect on, with no diagnosis.
  • It is normal to be different with each person.

Prefer paper? Download the PDF to print (with a page for psychologists).

What to do with your results

It is common to feel more anxiety with a partner and be more at ease with a friend, for example. These differences are leads to work on.

If you find it hard

If you feel locked into a category you found online, remember: these are tendencies, and they can change.

To understand · Read the guide “Attachment: understanding our bonds, from childhood to adulthood”

For psychologists

The PDF also includes a page for the psychologist: how to run the exercise in session, points to watch and scientific references. You are free to use it with your clients.

For psychologists: aim, audience and duration
Help the person to place, in a reflective and non-diagnostic way, their tendencies towards attachment anxiety and avoidance in different relationships, to show that they vary from one bond to another.
People who have “labelled” themselves with online tests, couple difficulties, complicated family or friendship relationships. Duration: 15-20 min.

References
Fraley, R. C. & Shaver, P. R. (2000). Adult romantic attachment: Theoretical developments, emerging controversies, and unanswered questions. Review of General Psychology, 4(2), 132-154.
Fraley, R. C., Hudson, N. W., Heffernan, M. E. & Segal, N. (2015). Are adult attachment styles categorical or dimensional? A taxometric analysis of general and relationship-specific attachment orientations. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 109(2), 354-368.

These worksheets do not replace therapy. If you are in distress or having suicidal thoughts, call your local emergency number (112 in Europe; 3114 in France, free, 24/7).

Free worksheet for non-commercial use: you may share it with credit to the author, without modifying it (Creative Commons BY-NC-ND 4.0 licence).

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Gonzalo Garzo, clinical psychologist

Gonzalo Garzo, clinical psychologist

A psychologist since 2018, I work with people online (in English, French or Spanish) and at my practice in La Rochelle, using third-wave CBT and EMDR. These worksheets help you move forward; if you need support, the first contact (20 min) is free.