Attachment: my bonds · worksheet 149
An attachment figure is someone you turn to when you are afraid, in pain or need comfort, and who also gives you the drive to explore. It may be your mother or father, but also a grandparent, a childminder, a sibling, a teacher, a partner, a friend.
Before you start
- What it is for: To see who has given you security in your life, and what you learnt from those relationships.
- 20-30 minutes, calmly.
- Not only parents: grandparents, childminders, siblings, teachers, partners, friends.
- The aim is to describe, not to judge anyone.
Prefer paper? Download the PDF to print (with a page for psychologists).
What to do with your results
There are no right or wrong answers. Also notice the people who were a resource outside your family.
If you find it hard
If a memory is too painful, write down just one word and come back to it with your psychologist.
For psychologists
The PDF also includes a page for the psychologist: how to run the exercise in session, points to watch and scientific references. You are free to use it with your clients.
For psychologists: aim, audience and duration
Identify the person’s attachment figures across their life (safe haven, secure base) and how they responded, to understand their current relational expectations.
Start of work on relationships, repeated relational difficulties, transitions (living abroad, separation, bereavement). Duration: 20-30 min.
References
Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books.
Hazan, C. & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511-524.
These worksheets do not replace therapy. If you are in distress or having suicidal thoughts, call your local emergency number (112 in Europe; 3114 in France, free, 24/7).
Free worksheet for non-commercial use: you may share it with credit to the author, without modifying it (Creative Commons BY-NC-ND 4.0 licence).
