Grief: after losing someone close · worksheet 144
Sometimes we couldn’t say goodbye, thank you, sorry, or what we had inside. Writing a letter to the person, even if they will never read it, can help you set down what was left unsaid.
Before you start
- What it is for: To say what couldn’t be said, and set down some of the weight that remains.
- 20-30 minutes, at a quiet time.
- If you can, make sure you won’t be alone straight afterwards.
- You can write the good and the difficult: gratitude, sorrow, anger, forgiveness.
Prefer paper? Download the PDF to print (with a page for psychologists).
What to do with your results
It is normal to cry or feel angry. Many people feel lighter afterwards, sometimes only after a few days.
If you find it hard
If it is too much, stop and come back to it another day, or write it with your psychologist. If you want to die or to be reunited with the person, call 112, 3114 (France) or your local emergency number.
For psychologists
The PDF also includes a page for the psychologist: how to run the exercise in session, points to watch and scientific references. You are free to use it with your clients.
For psychologists: aim, audience and duration
Offer a space to express to the person who died what could not be said (gratitude, regret, anger, forgiveness, goodbye), in the form of an unsent letter.
Sudden death, impossible goodbyes (pandemic, distance, living abroad), unfinished or conflictual relationships. Duration: 20-30 min, in one or several sittings.
References
Worden, J. W. (2018). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner (5th ed.). Springer.
Shear, M. K. (2015). Complicated grief. New England Journal of Medicine, 372(2), 153-160.
Holland, J. M., Currier, J. M. & Neimeyer, R. A. (2006). Meaning reconstruction in the first two years of bereavement: The role of sense-making and benefit-finding. Omega: Journal of Death and Dying, 53(3), 175-191.
These worksheets do not replace therapy. If you are in distress or having suicidal thoughts, call your local emergency number (112 in Europe; 3114 in France, free, 24/7).
Free worksheet for non-commercial use: you may share it with credit to the author, without modifying it (Creative Commons BY-NC-ND 4.0 licence).
