Grief: after losing someone close · worksheet 143
Death ends a life, not necessarily a relationship. Many people keep a bond with the person they have lost: an object, a habit, a phrase they used to say, a value they passed on. That bond can become a source of strength.
Before you start
- What it is for: To keep what matters of the person, without feeling that you are forgetting them by carrying on with your life.
- About 20 minutes, when you feel ready.
- Keeping a bond with the person is common and often helps.
- If the memories hurt too much, start with just one thing.
Prefer paper? Download the PDF to print (with a page for psychologists).
What to do with your results
A bond that helps gives you strength or tenderness. If thinking about the person stops you living your life, talk about it with your psychologist.
If you find it hard
If the memories are too painful for now, start with one small thing and come back later. If you want to die or to be reunited with the person, call 112, 3114 (France) or your local emergency number.
For psychologists
The PDF also includes a page for the psychologist: how to run the exercise in session, points to watch and scientific references. You are free to use it with your clients.
For psychologists: aim, audience and duration
Explore “continuing bonds” with the person who died (memories, legacy, values passed on, rituals) and direct them towards forms that support present life.
Grieving people who are afraid of “forgetting”, or whose bond with the person stops them living in the present. Duration: 20 min.
References
Klass, D., Silverman, P. R. & Nickman, S. L. (Eds.) (1996). Continuing Bonds: New Understandings of Grief. Taylor & Francis.
Neimeyer, R. A., Baldwin, S. A. & Gillies, J. (2006). Continuing bonds and reconstructing meaning: Mitigating complications in bereavement. Death Studies, 30(8), 715-738.
Worden, J. W. (2018). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner (5th ed.). Springer.
These worksheets do not replace therapy. If you are in distress or having suicidal thoughts, call your local emergency number (112 in Europe; 3114 in France, free, 24/7).
Free worksheet for non-commercial use: you may share it with credit to the author, without modifying it (Creative Commons BY-NC-ND 4.0 licence).
