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What I feel in my grief

Every emotion has its place

Grief: after losing someone close · worksheet 142

Grief isn’t only sadness. You can feel longing, anger, guilt, fear, relief after a long illness, and even moments of joy. All these emotions are normal and can exist at the same time.

Before you start

  • What it is for: To acknowledge everything you feel, without judging yourself, and identify what helps you.
  • About 15 minutes.
  • There are no “right” emotions in grief: they are all possible.
  • Feeling relief after a long illness, or laughing, doesn’t mean you loved them less.

Prefer paper? Download the PDF to print (with a page for psychologists).

What to do with your results

Emotions that seem contradictory can coexist: loving and being angry, being sad and feeling relief.

If you find it hard

If an emotion overwhelms you, stop and breathe slowly (worksheet 15). If you want to die or to be reunited with the person, call 112, 3114 (France) or your local emergency number.

To understand · Read the guide “Grief: what research says”

For psychologists

The PDF also includes a page for the psychologist: how to run the exercise in session, points to watch and scientific references. You are free to use it with your clients.

For psychologists: aim, audience and duration
Normalise the range of emotions in grief (yearning, sadness, anger, guilt, relief, fear, moments of joy), identify their intensity and what helps to get through them.
People surprised or worried by their reactions (“I should be sadder”, “I’m ashamed to feel relief”). Duration: 15 min.

References
Maciejewski, P. K., Zhang, B., Block, S. D. & Prigerson, H. G. (2007). An empirical examination of the stage theory of grief. JAMA, 297(7), 716-723.
Worden, J. W. (2018). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner (5th ed.). Springer.

These worksheets do not replace therapy. If you are in distress or having suicidal thoughts, call your local emergency number (112 in Europe; 3114 in France, free, 24/7).

Free worksheet for non-commercial use: you may share it with credit to the author, without modifying it (Creative Commons BY-NC-ND 4.0 licence).

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Gonzalo Garzo, clinical psychologist

Gonzalo Garzo, clinical psychologist

A psychologist since 2018, I work with people online (in English, French or Spanish) and at my practice in La Rochelle, using third-wave CBT and EMDR. These worksheets help you move forward; if you need support, the first contact (20 min) is free.