Living abroad: migratory grief and homesickness · worksheet 55
Your loved ones are alive, but far away. You miss birthdays, meals, sometimes difficult moments. It is a particular kind of loss, called “ambiguous loss”: they are present and absent at the same time.
Before you start
- What it is for: To live with the distance from loved ones who stayed behind, keeping the bond and accepting the absence.
- About 15 minutes. It may bring sadness or guilt: take your time.
- Living far from your people is a particular kind of loss: they are still there, but you can’t be with them as before.
- Guilt about not being there (at a birthday, during an illness) is very common: it doesn’t mean you love them any less.
Prefer paper? Download the PDF to print (with a page for psychologists).
What to do with your results
The “what I could add” column gives concrete ideas for keeping the bond. Distinguishing what depends on you from what doesn’t often eases guilt.
If you find it hard
Guilt about having left is common. If a loved one is seriously ill, talk to a professional who can help you make your decisions.
For psychologists
The PDF also includes a page for the psychologist: how to run the exercise in session, points to watch and scientific references. You are free to use it with your clients.
For psychologists: aim, audience and duration
Help the person recognise the “ambiguous loss” that comes with distance (loved ones who are alive but absent from daily life, parents growing old far away) and find ways of keeping the bond while tolerating the absence.
Expatriates and migrants far from their family, elderly or ill parents in the country of origin, guilt about leaving. Duration: 20 min in session.
References
Boss, P. (1999). Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief. Harvard University Press.
Bhugra, D. & Becker, M. A. (2005). Migration, cultural bereavement and cultural identity. World Psychiatry, 4(1), 18-24.
These worksheets do not replace therapy. If you are in distress or having suicidal thoughts, call your local emergency number (112 in Europe; 3114 in France, free, 24/7).
Free worksheet for non-commercial use: you may share it with credit to the author, without modifying it (Creative Commons BY-NC-ND 4.0 licence).
