Looking after yourself in the long run · worksheet 22
When we are anxious, we often speak to ourselves harshly. Yet we would speak differently to a friend in the same situation. This break invites you to speak to yourself as you would to someone you love.
Before you start
- What it is for: To swap harshness towards yourself for a kind attitude, without giving up on yourself.
- About 10 minutes, at a moment when you are being hard on yourself.
- Self-compassion is not agreeing with yourself about everything or giving up: it is speaking to yourself in the tone you would use with someone you love.
- At first the kind sentence may sound false: that is normal. Look for one that seems at least a little true.
Prefer paper? Download the PDF to print (with a page for psychologists).
What to do with your results
Compare the “what I tell myself” and “what I would say to a friend” columns: the difference shows how much harder you are on yourself than on others. Your own sentence is the most valuable result: keep it.
If you find it hard
If it sounds false or brings up sadness, that is common at first. Start with a very simple, neutral sentence (“this is hard right now”).
For psychologists
The PDF also includes a page for the psychologist: how to run the exercise in session, points to watch and scientific references. You are free to use it with your clients.
For psychologists: aim, audience and duration
Replace the self-criticism that often comes with anxiety and rumination (“I’m pathetic for worrying about this”) with a kind attitude towards oneself, without complacency.
Self-criticism, perfectionism, shame about anxiety. Adults and adolescents. Duration: 10 min in session; 2-3 min on your own.
References
Neff, K. D. & Germer, C. K. (2013). A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the Mindful Self-Compassion program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(1), 28-44.
Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind. William Morrow.
These worksheets do not replace therapy. If you are in distress or having suicidal thoughts, call your local emergency number (112 in Europe; 3114 in France, free, 24/7).
Free worksheet for non-commercial use: you may share it with credit to the author, without modifying it (Creative Commons BY-NC-ND 4.0 licence).
