Retiring means starting a new stage. And every beginning can be learnt
Retirement can be a liberation, a loss, or both at once. I explain what psychology says about this transition, why it is harder for some people and how I can help you give it new meaning.
Retirement, a life transition
Retirement is a big change in how time is organised: going from a day largely devoted to work to a lot of free time. It can improve well-being, by taking you away from a demanding environment, but it can also bring losses that are not always anticipated.
What can change
Your role and identity
For those for whom work was an important part of themselves, leaving it can feel like losing their place and recognition.
Time
Days without structure to fill with meaning, and the risk of becoming sedentary.
Couple and family life
More time together can be a joy or a source of friction that needs readjusting.
Changes in finances and in managing money may also arise; it is best to approach them calmly.
Why is it harder for some people?
According to the transactional model of stress, the impact of a life change depends on several factors, not only on the change itself:
How it comes about
An expected and prepared retirement is generally experienced better than a sudden or forced one.
How you perceive it
As an opportunity or as a loss. Someone who wanted to leave a very demanding job experiences it differently from someone who identified strongly with it.
Your sense of control
Being able to decide when and how reduces the stress of the transition.
The people around you
Social support and a network of relationships outside work cushion the changes.
Many older people don’t ask for help because they think psychologists are only for serious disorders or that their distress is “normal at their age”. It doesn’t have to be that way.
How do we adapt to life changes?
Three ways of adapting
The model of selective optimisation with compensation, one of the most influential in developmental psychology, describes three ways of adapting to changes and losses:
Selecting
Giving priority to what really matters to you and putting the rest in the background.
Optimising
Maintaining and improving your resources: health, skills, relationships.
Compensating
Reaching your goals by other routes. For example, volunteering can bring the sense of accomplishment that work used to give.
Another useful idea: there are two strategies for dealing with obstacles, changing the situation when possible (assimilative strategies) and adjusting your own goals or expectations when it is not (accommodative strategies). Both are adaptive, and the ideal is to have the flexibility to use either.
Over the years, we also tend to choose better: fewer contacts, but more meaningful ones. This is what socioemotional selectivity theory describes.
What helps, according to research
The goals of psychological support around retirement are well defined:
Health behaviours
Staying physically, mentally and socially active, in line with your tastes, resources and limits: the pillars of active ageing.
Leisure with a purpose
Activities that meet essential needs (rest, relationships) but also new goals: learning, using your skills, taking part in local life.
Multidisciplinary support
If needed, also addressing your budget or relationship difficulties with the appropriate professionals.
If anxiety or depression appear, they are treated with the usual validated approaches, adapted to this stage of life.
How I support you
Understanding your transition
Whether you are about to retire or already retired: what you expect, what you fear, what you have lost or gained.
Clarifying what matters
With ACT tools, we identify your values to steer this stage towards what gives meaning to your life.
Building a new structure
Routines, activities, relationships and plans that support your well-being.
Dealing with what gets complicated
Sadness, anxiety, tensions in the couple or difficult decisions, such as moving house.
Sessions take place online, from your home, in English, French or Spanish.
What you can start today
Get moving
A daily walk is a good start. Physical activity is one of the pillars of active ageing.
Learn something
A course, a language, an instrument. Mental activity can be trained too.
Take part
Volunteering, associations, neighbourhood groups: a way of making up for what work used to give you.
Structure your week
A few fixed commitments help to stop free time from becoming a void.
Gonzalo Garzo
Clinical psychologist · life transitions
I have been a clinical psychologist since 2018, and I am also an anthropologist. For years I combined psychology with management positions (see my LinkedIn profile), before dedicating myself fully to clinical work.
I work with an integrative approach: third-wave CBT (ACT, DBT, mindfulness) and EMDR, adapted to each person’s needs.
I have lived in several countries and I work in English, French or Spanish, online or in La Rochelle.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to feel bad when retiring, even though I was looking forward to it?
Yes. Even a wanted change involves readjustments and losses, such as routine, colleagues or recognition.
Can I start before I retire?
It is actually a very good idea. Anticipating and preparing the transition reduces the stress it creates.
What if the problem is life as a couple?
It is common. We can work on it in individual sessions and, if needed, consider other sources of support.
Is online therapy suitable for older people?
Yes, as long as you are comfortable with video calls. I can help you with the connection the first time if needed.
Shall we talk?
Sources
- Robertson, G. J. (2014). Transitions in later life. Scoping research. Calouste Gulbenkian Foundation.
- López, M. (2008). Asesoramiento gerontológico. In Fernández-Ballesteros, R. (Dir.), Psicología de la vejez. Una psicogerontología aplicada (pp. 97-113). Pirámide.
- Sandín, B. (2008). El estrés. In Belloch, Sandín and Ramos (Eds.), Manual de psicopatología, vol. II. McGraw-Hill.
- Brandtstädter, J. and Greve, W. (1994). The aging self: Stabilizing and protective processes. Developmental Review, 14(1), 52-80.
- Staudinger, U. and Lindenberger, U. (2003). Understanding human development: Dialogues with lifespan psychology. Kluwer Academic.
- Carstensen, L. (1993). Motivation for social contact across the life span: A theory of socioemotional selectivity. Nebraska Symposium on Motivation, 40, 209-254.
This page is for information only and does not replace a professional assessment.