Mood, self-esteem and assertiveness · worksheet 73
Perfectionism runs on rigid rules: “I must”, “I must never”. They push you to do well, but they come at a high price. You can loosen them without giving up your standards.
Before you start
- What it is for: To loosen rules that are too strict with yourself, keeping your standards without the exhaustion.
- About 15 minutes, then an experiment during the week.
- Rigid rules (“I must do everything perfectly”, “I must never say no”) often start out as protection, but over time they wear you out.
- A flexible rule isn’t “I don’t care”: it is keeping what matters to you without the 100% demand.
Prefer paper? Download the PDF to print (with a page for psychologists).
What to do with your results
Look at what happened when you did it “well enough”: often nobody notices the difference and you have gained time and peace of mind. That is real information.
If you find it hard
“Good enough” can be anxiety-provoking at first: that is normal, it is a form of exposure. Start with an area that matters little.
For psychologists
The PDF also includes a page for the psychologist: how to run the exercise in session, points to watch and scientific references. You are free to use it with your clients.
For psychologists: aim, audience and duration
Identify the rigid rules of perfectionism, examine their costs and benefits and come up with more flexible rules, to be tested through experiments.
Perfectionism that causes anxiety, procrastination, exhaustion or self-criticism. Duration: 20 min in session; experiments over two weeks.
References
Egan, S. J., Wade, T. D. & Shafran, R. (2011). Perfectionism as a transdiagnostic process: A clinical review. Clinical Psychology Review, 31(2), 203-212.
Beck, J. S. (2020). Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond (3rd ed.). Guilford.
These worksheets do not replace therapy. If you are in distress or having suicidal thoughts, call your local emergency number (112 in Europe; 3114 in France, free, 24/7).
Free worksheet for non-commercial use: you may share it with credit to the author, without modifying it (Creative Commons BY-NC-ND 4.0 licence).
