Mood, self-esteem and assertiveness · worksheet 74
Being assertive is neither keeping quiet nor imposing yourself: it is saying clearly what you need, respecting the other person and yourself. It can be learnt, starting with small situations.
Before you start
- What it is for: To express a need, a request or a refusal clearly, without keeping quiet or attacking.
- 10 minutes to prepare what you are going to say, before an important conversation.
- Saying what you need clearly and respectfully isn’t selfish or aggressive: it gives the other person the information they need.
- Prepare the sentence in writing: in the moment it is easier if you already have it.
Prefer paper? Download the PDF to print (with a page for psychologists).
What to do with your results
What counts is having said it clearly, not necessarily having got what you wanted. Note how you felt afterwards: often better than when you keep quiet.
If you find it hard
Start with easy requests (sending back a badly cooked dish, asking for an extension). In a relationship in which you are afraid, your safety comes first: ask for help.
For psychologists
The PDF also includes a page for the psychologist: how to run the exercise in session, points to watch and scientific references. You are free to use it with your clients.
For psychologists: aim, audience and duration
Practise assertive communication: expressing a need, a request or a refusal clearly and respectfully towards oneself and the other person, neither passive nor aggressive.
Difficulty saying no, asking or disagreeing; social anxiety, exhaustion. Duration: 20 min in session; practice.
References
Speed, B. C., Goldstein, B. L. & Goldfried, M. R. (2018). Assertiveness training: A forgotten evidence-based treatment. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 25(1), e12216.
Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). Guilford.
These worksheets do not replace therapy. If you are in distress or having suicidal thoughts, call your local emergency number (112 in Europe; 3114 in France, free, 24/7).
Free worksheet for non-commercial use: you may share it with credit to the author, without modifying it (Creative Commons BY-NC-ND 4.0 licence).
